The Write Stuff Short
Story Competition 2004.
Judge's report
First Prize:
Hive - Stephen Mark Irwin (QLD)
As soon as I read the opening paragraph of Stephen Irwin's
Hive, I knew it was a likely winner. The first sentence is
a meaty bait, half-concealing a large hook to drag the reader
deep into the drama: 'The sky was blue as a vein the day
I killed my father.' Having so immediately caught our attention,
Irwin deftly evokes the rich but harsh world of a troubled
ten-year-old rural boy. However, the primal conflict that
emerges is not as simple as initially implied. Irwin's tale
has echoes of both John Fowles' The Magus, and the Gothic
mystery and magic of Ray Bradbury — but set in a vividly
Australian landscape. Irwin is a born storyteller, imaginatively
weaving together strands of realism and rich fantasy to pose
a confronting choice and a moving denouement. Bravo! Encore!
Encore!
Second Prize:
The Village of Dead Children
- Georgia Gowing (SA)
Georgia Gowing's The Village of Dead Children is a simple
-- but highly effective and painfully relevant -- updating
of a classic 'haunting' tale. After witnessing a tragedy
with many victims in a remote Cambodian village, a forensic
scientist is confronted by, and unable to escape from, visions
of many of the dead with whom he has been professionally
involved. Engagingly presented and tautly written, this struggle
towards some kind of redemption is both psychologically intriguing
and hugely emotionally satisfying.
Very Highly Commended:
Tigers -- Ian MacNeill (NSW)
A superbly executed mini-drama of family life in post-war
Malaya, Ian MacNeill's Tigers is a delight. As the adults
struggle with the social and personal dilemmas posed by their
position in the stiff, upper hierarchy of colonial service,
their children respond more directly to the exotic tropical
environment, in which the longed-for beings at the bottom
of the garden are more likely to be feline than faery. Beautifully
written, lovingly detailed, enchantingly authentic.
I'm Not Here -- Dominique Colette
Wilson (SA)
The sad depths of Dominique Colette Wilson's I Am Not
Here resonate from the evocative title right through this moving
drama of a Vietnamese woman's attempt to escape the horrors
of war -- and worse -- to an ironic climax in which she finds
a hellish kind of 'freedom' in modern Melbourne. Highly memorable,
disturbing, haunting.
Highly Commended:
Rope-Dancer Rouge -- Julie Constable
(VIC)
The endearingly naive anarchy of the '70s is wryly captured
in Julie Constable's Rope-Dancer Rouge (or The Development
of the circus in Australia under Malcolm Fraser circa 1977-1979).
Full marks for an intriguing sub-title! An ensemble cast
proves the sad ironies of being waaaaay before your time.
You had to be there —- that Rope-Dancer was
so... weird, man!
Me and Billy the Kid -- Geoffrey
Field Dean (TAS)
The increasingly relevant territory of childhood dreams
of escape confronting adult reality is deftly evoked in Geoffrey
Field Dean's Me and Billy the Kid. Engaging characters, a
gritty milieu, a well-told tale and a strangely uplifting
conclusion.
Commended:
The Writhing -- Linda Marie
Cockburn (QLD)
Linda Marie Cockburn's The Writhing is an enthralling, highly
imaginative exploration of the 'What if...?' notion of a
man blind from birth gaining the power of sight. Neatly conceived
and executed. Compelling and convincing -- an extremely dark
vision.
Life of a Refugee -- Ben Robin
Dean (NSW)
Ben Robin Dean's Life of a Refugee is a bold bid to make
understandable the chaotic events from which so many people
have fled to seek new lives in countries like ours. A tale
of our times. A moving odyssey through homeland, war zone,
detention centre... and a tragic beyond, told with power
and conviction.
IT'S ALIVE!!! IT'S ALIVE
(Frankenstein to Igor as the lightning flashes...)
The response to this competition has been impressive and
exciting -- 119 entries from all over Australia. There
are writers producing stories within our limit of 5,000-10,000
words. Magazine editors take note. The longer short story
is definitely alive and well!
The entries were passed on by our scrutineers with just the
title and an assigned number to identify them. As I read
through all the stories -- over the course of a month --
I gave each a mark from zero to five. I drew my initial short
list from stories that scored four or higher, yielding 30
possible contenders. I then re-read all the short-listed
stories, assigning each a more defined percentage mark (80-100%)
and narrowed the field down to eight finalists for the $700
and $200 prizes, two Very Highly Commended, two Highly Commended
and two Commended awards.
At every stage I tried to respond only to the story before
me, with no thought about who the authors might be. When
I had drawn up my final awards listing, I asked the scrutineers
to reveal the names of the numbered entries. I found that
in the case of four of the eight finalists, I had assumed
the wrong gender for the writer. I was also pleasantly surprised
to find that both prize winners were totally unknown to me.
However, I also realised I knew two of the other commended
writers. Checking through the identities of the rest of the
longer short-list, I found several were known to me, although
I had not guessed their identities while reading and judging
their entries. In a couple of cases where I had a reluctant
but niggling suspicion that a story might be by X or Y, on
checking post-judging, I found that none of my guesses had
been right.
Several multiple entries from some authors were notable.
In the SF and fantasy genres, a couple of authors were most
prolific, and in at least two cases their respective best
efforts almost made the finalists. A couple of the finalists
also had entries in the long short list. Quality will out.
THEME (AND ISSUES) FROM A SUMMER
PLACE:
Thematically, the entries were all over the spectrum --
lots of longing and redemption in a romantic sense; much
crime, mayhem and murder -- committed with varying degrees
of ingenuity and passion; ingenious plots to destroy and
save the world; even a plot to destroy a short-story writing
rival who won all the prizes and awards (better check for
missing literary persons); family sagas stretching over generations,
perhaps with the last two generations disposed of in a paragraph;
historic romances with obviously well-researched pasts that
mostly added little to the conviction of the story; several
obviously first-person (or at least close family) observation
of physical and mental disabilities, anorexia, child abuse
and family violence; confrontations with exotic cultures;
and, what proved more convincing and interesting, people
from other cultures confronting Australia.
In this last respect, I was moved and impressed by several
entries which attempted to convey what Australia is like
for outsiders (including Indigenous Australians who are treated
or regarded as outsiders in their own land), and what people
who come here are leaving behind. I say this as a 'new Australian',
who arrived here 18 years ago from South Africa, but is still
learning about Australia and my fellow Australians. Multiculturalism
is not a dirty word at The Write Stuff. Ja, wel, nou fine!
Some of us are proud of our woggisms -- and our ability to
see Australia from different perspectives.
However, some of the best-motivated pieces had shortcomings
-- either as writing or as short stories. And the bottom
line in judging had to be: Is this a good short story? Is
it well-written?
COMMON ERRORS (All a matter
of opinion):
* From the Bottom Drawer... Return of 'Bits of a Novel'!!!
Some authors of both single and multiple entries didn't bother
to hide the fact that their 'short stories' were chapters
from a novel -- evident from either the opening, or conclusion,
or the fact that the story title was preceded by another
title that matched a similar device on another entry. In
all cases, in my judgement, these detected chapters from
novels did not stand up as short stories.
* What Also Isn't a Short Story 101:
In several cases, entries would have qualified as good journalism,
or memoir, but they simply were not short stories. There
were also pieces, some quite promisingly written, that were
obviously taken straight from writing weekend/workshop exercises
-- using devices such as describing the same scene from different
perspectives. One example had a lengthy 'bibliography' at
the end attributing various ideas or statements to known
writerly persona at such a gig. While the spirit of attribution
is alive and well, this did not add to its worth or impact
as a short story. (See: The Short Story of Ideas' below.)
* Thank God for Google!
I feared being caught out by some unimaginative plagiarist,
and even checked some unusual phrases in a few entries via
Google -- but nothing showed up. Yet... Am I paranoid? No,
just cynical.
* Pretentious, Mois?!?
Some authors' have an unfortunate propensity for larding
-- sorry there is no other word for it -- their short stories
with long slabs of poetry, either their own, almost uniformly
poor, or borrowed from the Bard and other notables. This
may reflect well on the authors' literary taste but not on
their originality. One very powerful story was badly devalued
by this sort of device. There is a poetry competition.
* Look At Moi! Look At Moi!
Strange fonts, ornate, illustrated title pages, and the
use of coloured inks, while drawing attention, do nothing
for
literary credibility.
* Well Dog My Ears! (Presentation
tips)
While the best story could emerge from a barely legible,
mispaginated, un-spell-checked puzzle, each impediment to
easy and pleasurable reading will add up unfavourably.
Some entrants should please learn to do a basic spell-check,
justify copy (instead of the apparent default of ragged
right), and -- above all -- learn how to tab and indent
paragraphs, or at least distinguish between paragraphs
with an extra line break. If in doubt, turn away from the
beguiling computer screen and indifferently laid-out web
pages and pick up a book of fiction. Check out the fundamentals
of how fiction appears in print -- paragraph indents, quote
marks for speech, suitable punctuation, section breaks.
The most professionally presented manuscripts, to my mind,
are those that do not attempt to staple 30+ pages together,
but sensibly use a very large paper clip or, better still,
a small bulldog clip to secure pages together.
* The Short Story of Ideas!
Like comic writing, the Short Story of Ideas (an endangered
species indeed), requires fresh ideas, imagination, stunning
invention to succeed. Recycling -- even accidental -- can
be tedious. Many writers should read much more to become
familiar with the territory, especially in the realms of
various genres, so that they can strike out towards new,
undreamt-of utopias and conflicts.
* Turn It Off and Read a Book!
Many authors obviously watch far too much TV drama. It shows.
TV drama plots seldom make good short stories -- though the
opposite is often true (for interesting reasons, but we won't
go into that now). Ditto most movies.
* Get real!
For the above reason, much dialogue reads like people in
a TV drama. Dialogue is an opportunity to make characters
real and unique -- too often it was missed. Get on a bus
or train, hang around the pub, laundrette or mall, and listen
to how real people talk. Talk to yourself -- read your dialogue
aloud to check if it sounds authentic. If not, keep trying
until it does.
* Hullo! Anyone at home?
While a wish to engage with the reader is commendable, continuous
questions from the narrator about whether the reader is still
there are both irritating and pointless.
* Anachronisms Diminish Authenticity.
No, the Rolling Stones were not a 'new' band in the early
'80s. No, people did not talk like that in... (fill in attempted
time zone). Etc, etc. Quite trivial, really; usually momentarily
amusing or irritating, but no winner of points.
* Fates Worse Than Death
At this moment in time... Suddenly they exploded together...
Life goes on... Who could tell? Cliches -- especially when
you are reading through well over 600,000+ words -- become
increasingly painful. Especially as conclusions.
Finally (no more jokes at anyone's expense)...
Congratulations from me, and all associated with The Write
Stuff, to our inaugural Short Story and Poetry Competition
2004 winners, those who were commended, and those who simply
made the effort to write a short story of more than 5,000
words. Our thanks also to all who publicised the contest
in their media and websites, and to our trustworthy and meticulous
scrutineers.
Our deepest gratitude again to the anonymous benefactor who
made this completion and the prizes possible. Like the short
story, patronage of the arts is a seriously endangered species
-- but it lives on.
The entry fees from this year's contest will go towards prizes
for next year. Watch the website for details.
Giles Hugo (aka JudgeDred, 2004)
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Short story
competition
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